April 2016 will mark 5 years since I started eating low carb. It has been a serious roller coaster of a weight loss journey for me…
Some of you have been here with me from the start. You watched me start off strong, only to have a major setback with the hormone medication and emergency hysterectomy.
You saw me bounce back from that and tweak my macros, struggling just to maintain my weight – much less lose any.
This weight loss stuff is hard!
I’ve held nothing back from you along the way. I may have whined (and kicked and screamed) a little TOO much at times 😛 lol.
It IS hard. Deciding you want to get healthy, and totally change your life, is a BIG deal. It’s a HUGE challenge, and for most of us… a daunting and unnerving task.
There are days I’ve asked myself, “Who am I to tackle such an undertaking?!”
I’m an emotional eater, a binge eater, I buckle at the sight of carbs. What was I thinking?!
I know what I was thinking: I’m sick of being fat. I’m tired of buying larger sizes every time I shop. I’m sick of being uncomfortable in my own skin, not to mention my own clothes.
I was working at a coffee shop with a friend one day, and after a couple hours I looked around at everyone there and said, “I don’t understand how these women can wear a bra all day every day like it’s nothing – this is the most miserable feeling under the sun!” (not realizing that 20 pounds had sneaked it’s way back onto my body, lol).
I had spent my entire adult life focused on raising my children and “making a difference” in my little world through my work.
As they grew up and started having their own lives, I looked in the mirror and took a long hard look at myself. Who am I? Who do I want to be? Who should I be next, when they leave home and I set out to live my own life for the first time?
I knew I wanted to be happy, have fun, live an active lifestyle, maybe even date! Which would mean looking halfway decent nekkid… 🙂 lol.
There was also the chronic pain, and at such a young age (in my 30’s!). I shared here how going low carb changed my life. I went from being miserable and often unable to move much at all, to an active lifestyle of hiking and water skiing!
(I’ll be 43 this year, by the way…)
That was the first summer I’d been back on a water ski in 23 years, and it felt amazing! 🙂 I bought bathing suits for the first time in forever – four of them I think, including 2 bikinis to sun in. And I wore them!
Friends & Support Have Made ALL The Difference!
It’s tough enough to take on a huge lifestyle change, even harder when people don’t support you in it. Having all of you here, and in our low carb challenge group, has kept me going all these years – through all of my ups and downs.
You’ve been there for me when I was in tears and having a total meltdown, and you’ve celebrated the wins with me too. Thank you for that!
The only friends in my “real life” (meaning in person, offline) are my two girlfriends, one in Canada and the other in another state. Check out these before & after pictures of Tawnya and I by the way. I call her my “Canadian Sister.” 🙂
Then there’s “T” – we spend a lot of holidays together. She’s the one I text saying “I need ice cream” – and she responds with a simple, “NO.” (lol) These two friends have talked me down off the ledge more than once. 😛 True friends are priceless!
Now What?! (Self-Sabotage & Dealing with “Fear of Success”)
Most people don’t gain tons of weight and struggle with a weight loss roller coaster without having some kind of issues, or mental junk to deal with. I’ve talked very openly with you about my self-sabotage problems, for example. Every time I got close to my goal weight over the last few years, I would fall into a quart of ice cream. 😛
I put a lot of thought into that. Am I afraid of reaching my goal? Who am I if I’m not struggling? Will you still love me if I’m “fit & skinny”? What will I do if I’m not measuring, tracking, counting, pushing, working so hard at it?
I don’t know…
I’m not fooling myself though. I’ve been here before – on the scales I mean, at this weight. And bounced right back up. This is not a diet, it’s a lifestyle – a way of life for me. I know firsthand just how fast I can put weight back on. Much faster than it comes off! lol… *sigh*
The journey continues. I’ll always have to eat a healthy ketogenic low carb diet to maintain my weight, and to stay out of chronic pain. Fortunately it’s easy, and all VERY good food! 🙂
My Next Big Goal
I woke up this morning weighing 150.2 pounds. I’m very close to my current goal of being in the 140’s again – for the first time in almost 5 years.
I’m think I’m officially just pounds away from being “skinny fat”. 😐
My next big goal is fitness and exercise, to TONE my body. Now that I’m down to a size 10 (very comfortably, I might add!) I am not at all happy to look in the mirror and see what was under those layers of fat.
Ugh. I’m seriously out of shape. 😛
I don’t want to be skinny. In fact, I like my curves – especially in my 40’s. I want to be “lean and strong” though. And HEALTHY.
My current goal is to work out every single day. Some days that will be cardio like my T25 work out, other days it will be strength training like my Ab Carver Pro. I’m aiming to work my way up to doing weights.
The Struggle (And Test of Character) Continues…
I came home from my trip to Vegas (ugh!) weighing less than when I left. 🙂 It was a real struggle to stay on track during that trip – for a number of reasons. Not just because the food choices were a real challenge, but also because I was sad and lonesome and stressed.
Not a good combination for an emotional eater. 😛
I powered through though, and my strength and resolve impressed even me! lol. But then on the trip home… I decided to eat off plan.
WHY? I just wanted to see what it would feel like to travel back leisurely like “normal people” for the day, and see what it felt like to eat whatever/whenever without thinking about it. 😛 And so I did.
After my struggle in Vegas I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and I just needed a break.
I managed the day without it being an all-out binge though, which is new for me (lol).
I kept it at 100 carbs for the entire day. I just strolled through the airports and ate what was convenient. I didn’t eat anything ridiculous, no pasta or candy bars or anything – and I didn’t overeat (also new for me, lol).
The fact that I’m at a point of being able to CONTROL myself to that degree – amazes me. I am a binge eater, and an emotional eater, so achieving this level of self control gives me a sense of inner strength over my former life that I’ve never felt before.
It was an interesting “experiment” to say the least – especially in my vulnerable and emotional state that day.
My Weight Loss Journey
At my highest weight I didn’t own scales, and there are no photos. I would guess I was close to 200 pounds. I am only 5’5″ by the way. I was pushing a size 18 jeans (HARD! lol) and wearing XXL tops. I am currently 150.2 pounds and in a Size 10.
Those 40-50 pounds lost have made a BIG difference in my life!
The last 4-5 years have been a real struggle. I’ve gained and lost the same 20’ish pounds over and over and over. It’s been a serious roller coaster.
I’ve reached a point now though where I’m ready to hop off that ride, and become the healthiest happiest version of myself I can possibly be.
I look forward to meeting that version of me. 🙂
Here are just a few before and after weight loss pictures from my low carb journey. I wish had better before pictures. Actually, I just remembered – I do (at close to 180 pounds). I’ll save those for when I have better “after pictures” to share with you. 😉
Some days are harder than others but I finally feel like I’m over the hump! I know, I know, famous last words right? 😛 lol. But right now I’m feeling STRONG, motivated and determined. This is going to be the year I get in amazing shape.
Watch and see – and hold me to it. 😉 *cheers*