The Stages Of Grief On My Plate


 
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I feel very fortunate to have someone in my life that cares about me, and that will also put healthy meals in front of me – even when I don’t feel like bothering with food. Fortunate indeed. I have certainly been through such phases alone, or with people in my life that didn’t feel like bothering with ME.

Life can deal you some tough cards sometimes. If you’re an emotional eater (raising my hand) that can be a good excuse to just binge and throw all your hard work out the window, or make yourself sick, or both. I’ve done that before. I’m not perfect.

It does help (A LOT) though to have someone in your life that gives a damn. That’s been my save this week while my head spins, my heart aches, and my stomach seems to be processing all the tension and grief in one big twist. Ugh.

That, and I also learned the hard way that it’s just not worth it to backtrack and make yourself miserable, fat and unhealthy all over again. 😐

Been there. It sucks.

I’ll share a few pictures with you, then we’ll get on to the food…

Molly

See that pretty (mostly) white great dane puppy? Her name is Molly. These pictures were taken last summer – almost a year ago. She grew up to be a 130 pound puppy. She would stand up (close to 6′ tall) and wrap her big fat paws around my neck in a full-on hug, and chew on my pony tail. πŸ˜€

She died suddenly in her sleep a few weeks ago, at just under 14 months old.

It happened completely out of the blue. The best guess is brain aneurysm. I was sitting beside her when it happened, and held her so close as she exhaled her last breath and her heart stopped beating – right there in my arms. πŸ™

I work from home, so I was with her pretty much around the clock for an entire year. She slept with me, slurped my morning coffee when I wasn’t looking, and could almost always be found right in my shadow or on my heels.

Both of the danes went almost everywhere with me. We did everything together. We hung out on the boat, went on ambitious hikes, I even took them on “danecation” to Marco Island where they chased lizards and ate coconuts for a whole week!

You may or may not be a “dog person”, so let me explain…

I will turn 42 this year, and my two children are almost 19 and 24 years old. When my son (the oldest) left home five years ago, I adopted Slim from the Dane Rescue. When my daughter left for college last year, I got Molly – at just 7 weeks old. They are perfect replacements: a boy and a girl, five years apart. They’re my “new kids”, while I adjust to having adult children with their own lives. They’re my family.

Losing her completely devastated me.

My sweet little Molly Girl was a real lover…

Ricky

She adored Ricky. We’ve been together almost 2 years now, and while we’ve had our issues like most new relationships, this man has been really good to me. He is one of only 3 other people that even liked Molly. Most people acted annoyed with her, or pushed her away. It wasn’t her fault she went from an 18 pound puppy I could carry on my hip, to a 130+ pound puppy that still wanted to sit on laps and would goose you in the armpit for her own amusement. πŸ™‚ haha… She was still just a baby.

I’m so grateful that Ricky was there with me when she died. I don’t know how I would have made it through that long hard night without him. He has become one of the truest friends I have ever known, and he has been there with me and for me through every step of my grief these last few weeks.

hugsThe hunger pains just kind of blurred in with the sharp heartache and twisted feeling in my stomach.

I made it a point to try to eat, chore as that was. It was definitely easiest when Ricky was around, bringing me healthy take-out or cooking (low carb) and putting a plate in front of me.

There’s something easier about eating when you’re just going through the motions, and that’s one of the motions someone puts into place around you and for you. I don’t know how to explain it. I’m hoping you understand what I mean, though.

I’m staying at his place this week. It’s just easier, mostly quieter, and I needed a place to get away from everything and just STOP for awhile. He’s at work during the day, so I can curl up with Slim or walk around in circles in my PJ’s all I please. πŸ˜›

At the moment I’m sort of halfheartedly eating some pre-made Rotisserie Chicken Salad with a few pieces of leftover bacon. Mostly to keep from getting lightheaded. You can see my meals from earlier this week here.

I’m having a hard time with my internet connection here for some reason, so I’ll embed the meal photos instead of uploading them. If you’re reading this in an email you may not be able to see them, so I’ll link to them too (or click here to view it online)

Here are some of the low carb meals Ricky has made for me this week:

Baked Chicken, Roasted Brussel Sprouts & Vegetable Casserole

Dinner tonight is baked chicken thighs, roasted brussel sprouts… and a mix of spinach, bacon, mushrooms, mozzarella & halved cherry tomatoes. What are you having? πŸ™‚ #lowcarb #atkins #keto #lchf #healthy

Posted by Low Carb Traveler (Lynn) on Tuesday, April 14, 2015

 

This was really easy. The brussel sprouts were frozen, and roasted in the pan with the chicken. See the cooking photo & discussion about it here.

Pork Chops, Seared Yellow Squash & Green Beans

Easy #LowCarb dinner: pan fried pork chop, seared yellow squash & green beans. What are you eating? πŸ™‚

Posted by Low Carb Traveler (Lynn) on Wednesday, April 15, 2015

 

A couple of times this week we had Bacon & Eggs (my request)…

Dinner πŸ™‚

Posted by Low Carb Traveler (Lynn) on Thursday, April 16, 2015

 

Here’s the pre-made Rotisserie Chicken Salad I mentioned earlier (I had half for breakfast and the other half for lunch today):

Blah. Breakfast. Keeping it easy today…

Posted by Low Carb Traveler (Lynn) on Friday, April 17, 2015

 

And then, pardon the flannel pajama pants (lol) – and I caught a little flack for this – but I had a couple of Atkins bars this week:

I usually stick to real food, but I'm sick this week – and sometimes all I feel I can stomach is something that…

Posted by Low Carb Traveler (Lynn) on Friday, April 17, 2015

 

I am not typically a big fan of Atkins products, or processed foods, and if I were going to eat a bar my preference is Quest Bars – both for taste, and better quality ingredients. That said, I’m not at home, didn’t have a few days to wait for a package in the mail, and just had to pick up something to get me by on the mornings I really didn’t feel like dealing with food (at all).

I’m really glad I ordered the low carb bagels last week. The idea of another egg, or anything greasy, kinda turns my stomach at the moment. Something a bit more plain and bland definitely appeals right now. Speaking of, they should have arrived at my house today – so I’ll have another review for you on those coming soon. πŸ˜‰

See my last order here.

That’s all for now really. Ricky has been great about keeping healthy balanced meals in front of me, and giving me a space to have some quiet time to get away for a few days. You gotta love a guy who will cook low carb for you!

I hope that gives you some meal ideas. I do like to keep it simple. And for the record, I’ve never been a fan of brussel sprouts – but they are GREAT when they’re roasted! The seared squash was REALLY good, too. This time of year I get it “flash frozen”, but it’s almost fresh vegetable season.

If you have any questions about how anything was prepared, the carb count or macros etc, just leave a comment – or you can post your question on any of the Facebook updates above too.

I’m doing okay. I’m just going through the typical stages of grief, and incredibly sad about losing my sweet Molly. Slim has been a big comfort to me these last few weeks, and he’s been eating healthy right alongside me.

That dane does love his veggies! πŸ˜‰ lol…

There was a brief moment of total meltdown in the middle of Food Lion earlier this week (where I picked up the chicken salad) where I almost caved and grabbed three boxes of ___ (I won’t tempt you with the details, lol) to stuff back my hurt and emotional pain… with physical discomfort (overeating). That’s when I made a U-Turn with my cart and got those icky Atkins bars, by the way. πŸ˜›

But I did NOT cave. Like I said, I’ve already learned that lesson the hard way, and right now I know the most important thing I can do is take care of myself.

You can always justify any bad / unhealthy choice you WANT to make. But it won’t bring your sweet puppy back (or fix anything else in your life for that matter)… so why bother, right?

Best,
Lynn Terry
aka @LowCarbTraveler

p.s. I need to update my MyFitnessPal carb tracker, and update this entry with my nutrition facts. I’ve been a little slack lately, but I’ll work on that. In the meantime, like I said – if you have any questions about how anything was prepared, the carb count or macros etc, just leave a comment below.

Send A Smile Up For Miss Molly…

Molly Girl
(This photo was taken when she was a “little” girl at only 8 months old πŸ™‚ )

I put together a little photo tour here, if you’d like to enjoy our one year together, including a few funny videos πŸ˜€ …

A little photo tour of my beautiful year with Molly before she passed away, re:…

Posted by Low Carb Traveler (Lynn) on Saturday, April 18, 2015

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About Lynn Terry

I love making the low carb diet EASY for people with a busy lifestyle (like me!) with my KISS / Keep It Simple method. :) About Lynn Terry: Host of the Low Carb Challenge
This entry was posted in Low Carb Daily Journals and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

 

30 Responses to The Stages Of Grief On My Plate

  1. Candy Jo Simpson says:

    Iam so sorry for the loss of your Molly girl & I do understand they are your family when the kids leave… I lost my Dad April 4,2015 ..yes 1 week ago today..Im eating badly(emotionally) but Ill get back on track soon.. Hold tight to memories …they are ours forever…

    • Lynn Terry says:

      Ah, Candy – I’m so very sorry for your loss. πŸ™ *hugs* No judgment toward you on my decision to eat healthy of course. I had a spell like that myself last Fall where food felt like my only comfort. Unfortunately I have inflammatory issues that put me in extreme physical pain when I eat carbs… and I knew I couldn’t handle that on top of everything else right now. That or one more thing to be unhappy about (weight gain). I’m at my limit for the year. :p

      Life is just plain hard sometimes. I’m so sad to hear you lost your Dad. Thank you for your kind words, and about the memories – you are so right. To better days ahead. *cheers*

  2. Linda Todd says:

    Lynn, I am sorry for your loss and I understand quite well. Leonard and I have a deep heart for any animal that comes near. We have Happy; my Pomeranian that replace “Corky.” Corky was a little angel and I think I could have taken him to Church and he would have just sat in my lap without one word/bark. LOL We have 4 Cats. We love them all. My sister that live close to me wants nothing to do with these little creatures. So…..I understand how a lot of people do not want them near. I have had more than one precious little darling to die. It takes some time, and then one day you will be better and ready to explore adoption again. God Bless.

  3. Nance says:

    Im so sorry for your loss…I know how tough it is to lose a trusted family member….

  4. Erin says:

    So so sorry Lynne.
    Thank you for sharing your loss with us. You made it real. Unless you have really loved a pet, you can’t understand this sadness. It’s just different and unexplainable. Being a stay home mom with a husband who travelled a ton, there were times when it was Rudi and I against the world and those three little girls of mine. That unconditional non moody love we tak for granted is so missed. Girls are all teenagers and now it’s Bailey, but she gets it all the same. I guess life goes on

  5. Pam Cannon says:

    Lynn,
    I could literally feel my heart break as you described the loss of your sweet Molly. I am a dog lover at heart and of course, my family and I, have lost very dear, furry family members over the years as well that have tremendous heartache. Furry children are so smart, definitely trusting and so very loving. I applaud your courage to let your audience know the hurt and pain you unfortunately experienced, so that we will be able to relate real life’s ups and downs that can trigger emotional eating. I, myself am an emotional eater and struggle frequently so thank you for sharing this story, even though it broke my heart, it helps me to learn how someone like me can get through the bad days.
    I will, if you don’t mind, keep you in my prayers for peace, strength and healing. One more thing is that, if there is any thing positive that can be found from your tragedy, it is that Molly obviously had a wonderful home and shared a deep love with you and that YOU were there when she passed away, and that to me was a blessing in itself that she wasn’t alone in any form if her life!
    Take care and thank you again.
    Sincerely,
    Pam C.

  6. Suze says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. Tight Hugs to you. Thank you for sharing your pain and showing us how to get through tough times without giving up on ourselves. I am thinking of you and sending heartfelt thoughts your way.

  7. Lisa says:

    Just wanted to say I’m proud of you for the decisions you’ve made in taking care of yourself under sad circumstances. We’ve talked about things I’ve been and am going through and you and your group have been what holds me together a lot of times. I read your post with tears going down my face being able to relate in many ways. You are fortunate that you have your guy that care’s for you. Not that I want that again at 51 but it would be nice to have someone that cared once in a while. Again, sorry for the loss of your baby girl Molly and I’m glad you and Slim have each other to get through things as I’m sure it’s a loss for him too. Time will help ease your pain! Thanks again for all you do!!

    • Lynn Terry says:

      Thank you Lisa – and thanks for our recent conversation. It was really nice to get to know you better! And yes, I’m extremely grateful for Ricky right now. He’s the only person in my life that isn’t acting “weird” around me – or avoiding me.

      I’ve been through a lot of horrible experiences completely alone, so I am appreciating him in my life so very much through this.

      Anyway, thank you – Slim and I are both having a tough day here. Looking forward to better days ahead, for sure. *cheers*

  8. So sorry. So very, very sorry. I lost my husband in 2012 after a long battle against cancer. He was actually my catalyst for low carb WOL since he refused to try this long term. We had the dogs together for years. Even so, losing one tears at my heart
    Hugs, dear and good future thoughts

    • Lynn Terry says:

      Ah, Monica – *hugs* – I cannot imagine what that must have been like for you. Cancer is a nasty beast. Life can be so very harsh sometimes. πŸ™ Here’s to health, hope, life… and dog love.

  9. Linda says:

    Lynn, I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your sweet Molly with all of your faithful readers. Also for showing us that you can go through something so heartbreaking and still try and stay healthy. Big hugs to you and Slim. Take all the time your need to get through this. I have dealt with big losses in my life and here is what I always say…You will never get over the pain of the loss…but you will learn to live with it. It becomes part of you. Think of her often and remember what joy she brought to you and how happy she was living with you. I will keep you in my prayers.
    Blessings and hugs,
    Linda

    • Lynn Terry says:

      Thank you for that – I like the way you said it, and it really helps me to think of her love and loss becoming a part of me – instead of her just being GONE, which has been so very hard to accept.

      JOY is a good word – she was such a happy, curious girl and she certainly brought me joy… lots and lots of it.

  10. Joan Brown says:

    My heart goes out to you. I’m a dog and cat lover. I’ve had pets die and have had to put them to sleep. It’s truly heartbreaking so I feel your pain. It gets better with time. They are our babies and love us more than some people and we love them. Thank God you had somebody to help you through the pain and sorrow. I’m sure slim feels it too. Animals become attached too. I pray for you to recover soon. Time heals all wounds as you know and God will heal your heavy heart. Thanks for sharing. We are here to support each other. I’m truly thankful for you and your insight and for this group of people. It has been a blessing for me on this weight loss journey.

    • Lynn Terry says:

      You’ve all blessed me as well. I love having so many great people to share this journey with – to discuss frustrations, find and try new products together, share our victories – it’s been good. πŸ˜€ I’m glad you’re a part of it, Joan.

  11. Katharine Johnson says:

    Lynn,so sorry for the loss of your fur baby.Having lost 1 fur baby a few years ago to cancer,I still have 3 fur babies at home.Good job on sticking to your eating plan.It does get easier over time. She had a good life,and that’s all we want for our pet’s is to be happy,and to feel loved.

  12. Valerie Cuell says:

    Lynn
    So sorry to hear of the loss of your Molly.
    And very tough to have her go so suddenly in your arms like that.
    I know that non-animal lovers don’t really understand how painful it is to lose a beloved pet. It really is like losing a close family member, and even harder when they go too soon.
    I’ve been through this several times now and know that you will at least have many happy memories of her. I hope your other dog is OK. They do seem to notice the loss of a companion.
    Well done on staying strong and time will ease your pain.

  13. Judy says:

    Lynn,
    So very sorry for your loss, I know that it is so hard to lose our pets they are just like our family and it really takes time to get over their loss but in time we just have to imagine all of our loved ones in Heaven with our puppies and loving each other just like we did.

  14. Suzie says:

    Thank you for sharing your story…so very sad to lose a beloved pet. I appreciate your devotion to those of us who follow you and your blogs, FB posts, etc…even in the midst of grief. You’ve been a huge help to me in the process of learning a new WOE and weight loss. Not to put the focus on me, but I have been able to lose weight for the first time in 15 years (I quit smoking and went thru menopause – at the same time ugh). Following you has been a great encouragement. So, thanks again, for remembering us and sharing so that someone else may be helped.

    • Lynn Terry says:

      Wow, Suzie – that really made my day! And it made me smile, even in the midst of all this πŸ˜€ – thank you for that. Congrats on your success! I know what it’s like to struggle losing, I’ve dealt with that since my hysterectomy two years ago – so I’m guessing you’re being super diligent and very serious about your health! Kudos. πŸ˜‰ And thank you again – knowing I’ve made a difference, makes a difference. *cheers*

  15. Cricket says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Lynn. In August, it will be 2 years since we had to let our Clio go…she’d been my loyal canine companion for 16 years and had inoperable cancer. We lost our Minou – she was barely a year old – to a sudden illness. They’re never with us long enough. Sending you lots and lots of good thoughts!! Remember the good times and hold those close. <3

  16. Valerie Sanderson says:

    Lynn, I am a dog person and I’m SO sorry! I totally feel your pain. I’ve rescued dogs forever and they are my life. I’ve had to put some of my babies down because of old age and I’ve felt their loss very strongly and still do. I hope some day you can again save a precious life and adopt again. No other creature will replace your precious baby but saving another life helps the healing process. God Bless!

  17. Lynn Terry says:

    I’m home now, which feels really good, and I just wanted to say THANK YOU for your kind words – and for making me feel “not so alone”.

    I put together a little photo tour of our beautiful year together here: https://www.facebook.com/lowcarbtraveler/photos/a.226693510692585.69791.226460087382594/1023675917661003/ including a few fun videos. πŸ˜€ Enjoy…

  18. Liz F. says:

    Omg, I am so sorry ! To lose a young baby like that unexpectedly is so heartbreaking. My children are grown as well and my pups are the second set of kids or the new kids, as my husband calls them. You are right that caving does not bring them back or make it all better all your left with is grief and an unhealthy body. Thank you for sharing your heart with us that we can cry with you.
    Hugs,
    Liz

  19. Diana Lynn says:

    Hi Lynn, I haven’t checked your site in about a month. I’m so sorry for your loss!!! I understand you, my little feeby(4 lb yorky) passed away about 5 years ago and i still miss her so much, she was my baby and i had her for 13 yrs. If people aren’t dog people, they always look at me funny when i say that. We have a lovable jack russell now! Im lifting you up in prayer!!!

    I lost my nephew(26yr) 3 weeks ago. He was shot and killed by a policeman. My family is just devasted and heart broken! My poor sister is barely hanging in there. We’re still waiting on the medical examiners report to find out what exactly happened. I have been emotionally eating everything in sight and my gut hurts :/ i just wanted you to know, your site brings me So much comfort and im going to join your lc challenge sometime. Thank you and hugsβ™₯

    • Lynn Terry says:

      I’m so sorry to hear that, Diana. I can only imagine what your family is going through with the waiting right now. That’s a long time to wait.

      I understand emotional eating. It’s something I’ve dealt with a lot myself, mostly starting in my 30’s during a really trying time. I’m very familiar with the “eating till it hurts” thing. πŸ™

      My heart goes out to you. Thank you so much for taking the time to write, and share your story too. The grief is so real. It’s been almost two months now, and I still miss her every single day. No matter how much I’ve cleaned, I still keep running across things she “hid”. The pups next door still come out and look for her every morning. It’s hard stuff.

      When you do get ready to join the challenge, we’ll be there. πŸ™‚ Otherwise, anytime you have any questions about eating low carb, or just want to talk, you know where to find me! *cheers* and *hugs*

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