“Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is Love.” <- That's how the chapter ends, and those words really stuck with me. Faith, Hope, Love. It’s a good focus – some light in an otherwise dark time.
Sometimes life sucks. Bad things happen. Grief hits you straight between the eyes out of nowhere. Or you just have a bad day. Whatever.
I didn’t feel like talking. Which means I didn’t feel like blogging – or sharing my food, or even logging my food. I just ate it, in quiet, alone. I wanted to sink inside myself, crawl in a hole and pull the hole in behind me. I needed a break to let it all sink in.
So that’s what I did. Life goes on. People find other blogs to read and other updates to comment on. Nobody really misses you if you go quiet for a minute. Even if it’s a long minute, that lasts a couple of weeks. 😛 But someone did. Several people did, actually. Thank you for that.
My relationship ended, my “happy engagement” is over.
I’m not going to say a harsh word about him. I have loved him far too long for that. My sadness ate my anger for lunch anyway. 🙁 It’s just over. He’s gone. If I thought eating ice cream would fix it all, I’d eat it. But it wouldn’t, and I won’t.
The details are mine to grieve, the tears are mine to cry. I just wanted it to go away silently and never mention it, which is why I was so quiet. I guess that wouldn’t really work, though. You’ve been here with me through it all – the happy photos of our “low carb road trips”, the trip to the beach, Niagara Falls, days on the lake, all of those big smiles. Including the low carb meals we shared, and those he cooked for me.
Wow. This is hard to talk about. Truly. I’ve had such a hard year, including the death of Molly in March. So much grief and loss and heartache in such a short time.
I am fabulous, dammit. (repeat, repeat, repeat)
I am not going to change who I am.
… except that I am.
It’s been a hard hit. A real shock, even. It’s time to pick myself up and move forward now though. If it’s true what they say: “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” I should be practically invincible by now. 😛
So now what?
Slowly (like a snail) I have been crawling out of that hole and putting myself back together. I’m still eating healthy of course, and now… I am exercising more than ever. Especially in the sunshine. Two things that are meant to make you feel better when you’re down – and they do work. I’m making Q4 plans for my business, making social plans for one, doing things with and for my children, planning trips with girlfriends.
I’m even cooking (or trying, lol – don’t laugh!). I have a casserole in the oven as we speak that didn’t turn out so great, but it does at least look edible. 🙂
I have to change all of my goals and plans.
So that’s what I’m doing.
Maybe I’ll just go back to the way my life was “before”. Except so many things have changed in the last few years. My youngest child left for college so I have an “empty nest” now, as just one example. Maybe I’ll take a totally new direction with my life. Maybe I’ll move to Colorado. Maybe I’ll sell my home and travel the world.
I’m still not quite sure…
I’m starting with small goals: eat super healthy and get in amazing shape.
Thank you for being a part of my life.
Thank you for understanding my quiet time.
Thank you for respecting that I don’t want to talk dirty details, out of respect for the great love I experienced. I’m so very grateful for that experience. I’m trying to focus on that. It was incredibly beautiful…
Faith, Hope, Love.
Faith that this too shall pass. Hope that there will be more beautiful experiences to enjoy in my life. Love, loving myself, nurturing myself back to a strong place.
And so we’ll continue on with our food & health discussions. I’ll share my weird casserole with you in my next update, along with what I ate yesterday (the same thing, over and over, lol). I’ll share my trips, my goals, and my life… as it unfolds.
Onward and upward. *cheers*
p.s. So many people in this world are struggling or suffering in one way or another. If you’re in a tough place right now (too), stay strong my friend. Hug yourself if no one else will. Take care of YOU. Hold on to Faith and Hope. *hugs*
-I may prune comments. I may not be able to read them. I don’t want anything negative here, or in my head. It’s hard enough to get up every day and push myself forward right now. I just need to focus on “it was wonderful” and “keep going”.
I love the big happy smiles in this video. 🙂
Think back to the happiest times, the happiest moments in your life – and smile. again. The only consistent thing in life is change. Ironic, but true. And when things change, fade, leave… you still have the memories, and the smiles. Relive them. often. Those are what life is made of. They are all life really is… with a lot of laundry, bills and dishes in between.
Think back today… and smile. *cheers*