Starting Over

I feel SO stuck, but I really want to start over. I’m not even sure what that means yet, or what it looks like. Everything feels like a contradiction – thoughts, words, feelings. 🤦‍♀️

Anytime I get a moment of clarity outside the fog of cognitive impairment I otherwise live in, I sit down and write. The next time I come back to it, it feels all wrong. (or confusing)

It’s rare I can actually share something I feel sure about, which is why I’ve been super quiet on Facebook and Instagram lately. My brain is just NOT working right 😏 and it’s SO frustrating.

But that’s what has been on my mind most lately: starting over. With my diet, work & business, my health & recovery, physical activity (exercise), social circles, my home spaces – all of it.

I feel like my life has been on hold since I got sick. 🙁

That’s not entirely true though. Another contradiction 👀 … because I’ve made a lot of changes and improvements over the last couple of years. But I’m definitely ready for (more) change, BIG change even.

I know this seems like terrible timing since it’s a US holiday week. Everyone is busy traveling, enjoying Thanksgiving, shopping, etc.

My girl friend here that I’ve known since we were 19 invited me over for Thanksgiving to join her family and some other friends for a meal. I’m very much looking forward to that. 😊❣️

I miss social time and sharing meals after being home-bound so much the last two years. And gosh 😳 it’s hard to believe it’s been two full years now that I’ve been so unwell!

I’m eating low carb still, but haven’t really been eating that much – and my weight is holding steady. That’s something I’d like to start over too: sharing my daily food diaries. I haven’t been doing that for awhile because I’m in more of a “recovery eating” phase (including a short stretch of eating carbs again as a test) and I figure that probably won’t interest many people. But then, maybe I’m wrong – and I know for sure it will help me to talk things out, and also to track any changes or improvements.

Anyway, I figure I’ll eat whatever appeals to me for the one single Thanksgiving meal, given not many foods appeal to me at all lately, and then “start over” (get back into nutritional ketosis) straight away after that. I may not want anything other than a few bites of plain foods anyway, so I’m just going to play it by ear. 🤷‍♀️

I’m having a hard time eating meat most days lately. That started when I had covid again in August. It’s the smell – I lose my appetite just at the smell of meat. That’s frustrating! The only exception is sausage and eggs. My daughter makes that about once a week, and enough to make two meals for me, so that works.

I’ve always done really well on an elimination diet, specifically “just meat” as a base starting point. I did that before with great results eating just plain meats – then adding in avocado & macadamia butter next. I was planning to “start over” with that, but avocado is a high histamine food and my current aversion to meat has me stalling. 😉

If you’re interested, here’s a good example from when I was doing that:

How Much Protein Should You Eat? 5 Keto Food Diary Examples with LCHF Macros

Another form of elimination diet that’s worked well for me, and anyone who’s ever tried it, is 3IMAX – which stands for 3 Ingredients Max. It’s just a “simple eating” method that helps you eliminate culprits, improve health issues and/or lose weight more quickly. And it’s a lot more flexible!

I keep getting sidetracked. 🙃

I haven’t been online much the last few weeks, but these three things that crossed my screen held my attention for a long moment, and I saved them to come back to. Two quotes/posts and a photo from my Facebook memories this week – a picture taken before I got sick:

“When all else seems to fail, Lynn, be reminded of life’s magic by the trail you’ve already blazed.” -Tut.com Notes From The Universe

“This isn’t a time to lose faith; there’s more life waiting for you to experience.” -Shakira Maria @moonomens on IG

I think I’ll take some time to think more about what “starting over” is going to look like for me. From where I am now, I mean. I’ve improved a lot over the last 9 months, but I’m still VERY unwell. I’m grateful to be moving in the right direction at least, no matter how slow. 💝

I’m not even able to do something as simple as “go for a walk” just yet, but hopefully (very) soon!! I *am* back on my feet at least, after months of physical therapy.

Maybe I’ll start over with a re-introduction and a bit of catch-up. While I’ve been quiet, I’ve been saving notes and ideas and thoughts to share with you – for when I could.

Maybe I’ll just start back simple – with basic daily food diaries, and then write more on days I’m feeling up for it. Like today. 🙂 I say “today” but I’ve been trying to write this since last Friday. 😅

I’m still not sure how that’s going to go. Getting out tomorrow could put me back out of commission for awhile again, or I could do fine. I never know, which is frustrating (and making life quite challenging!), but lately I’ve only been able to do about one thing a month or every few weeks. Before that I was able to do small things a few times a week, but I’m learning the words “relapse” and “pacing” – in all their depth, lol 🤦‍♀️ ugh!

I feel stuck. I’m not sure if I’m ever going to get “well” or if this is just how life is going to be for me from now on. I feel torn between acceptance and pushing forward, sometimes one is more harmful (or helpful) than the other. I am still holding out HOPE though, and am getting through all of this with the two things that help me the most: patience and grace.

Also, I planned a trip! 🙂 I’ll have to tell you more about that as well. I miss traveling, SO much. I did plan it out with lots of pacing and rest time, but I really needed something FUN to do and look forward to, so I’m pretty excited about that.:)

I look forward to catching up, and hearing how things are going with you. I know a lot of people have been through ups and downs or big changes over the last two years.

I’d love to hear what’s going on in your life lately!

I’m doing pretty okay, all things considered. I never expected to get so sick. I certainly never expected to STAY so sick for so long. But I’m still here, I’m hanging in there, and I’m figuring out what “starting over” means, or what that’s going to look like…

Stay tuned. I feel like it’s going to look like a serious COMEBACK. 😉

I can hope at least.:)

💝

Best,
Lynn Terry
aka @LowCarbTraveler

p.s. What do you feel like you need most in your life right now? – I think about that a lot, or at least once a week, when I go to my acupuncture appointment. This week I told him I needed energy and motivation, that I feel “stuck”.

Some days, most days, I’m okay with that. I’m dealing with this illness the best I can. But I’ve also noticed a general air of malaise in my social circles and business connections lately – like social fatigue, lack of inspiration – something. I can’t quite put my finger on it. And I’m not processing things like normal with my neurological issues ha, so I thought I’d just ask. 🙂

 

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