Yesterday was hard. It seemed to just start out that way. Sometimes it’s the simplest of things that can shift our mind to negative things. Sometimes you don’t even know why, or what caused that mental shift. It just happens.
For me, it’s often about things I cannot have. Like a hug from my big furry 150 pound great dane baby (Molly) that died in her sleep last Spring. Or maybe a time in my life, when my children were younger and my home was full. You cannot rewind time.
There were other things on my mind too of course, things that are personal to me. We all have our wants and wishes and losses in life.
On that (long) list of things that ran through my mind, there were also foods. Cheeseburgers and donuts and ice cream and such. The whole list, things I miss, things I cannot have, seemed so large in my mind… overshadowing all of the wonderful things in my life that I do have, making them hard to even remember.
Of all the things on the list, the foods I could easily get. The other things I can only pine for, wish I could touch or feel again. But the foods I could get if I wanted to.
This is what emotional eating is all about. It’s hard stuff. I used to do just that, take what I could get – indulge in what I could, to try to satiate the void.
That was the choice I faced yesterday as I sat on the back deck and watched the rain blow through the trees. Fill the void? No… FEEL the void. That’s what I decided to do – just feel it, experience it, accept and respect it.
If I thought a donut would have fixed everything (or anything at all), I would have eaten one -or a dozen. In a heartbeat. But I already know from past experience that not only does it NOT fix anything, it just makes me feel WORSE.
No thank you.
Feelings are fickle. The mind is fickle too. You can rationalize anything in your favor. I decided to just crawl in bed and listen to it rain. What I refer to as: crawl in a hole, and pull the hole in behind me. 😛 I let the thoughts swirl through my mind and just listened to them a bit, until I finally fell asleep.
I woke a few hours later, with a quiet mind (thank goodness). Quiet, but pensive. A certain sadness still, but not chaotic and aching like before. I just went through the motions of the rest of the day, with work and chores and low carb meals, feeling mostly blank.
This is new for me, and something I consider a breakthrough. FEEL the void, instead of fill it. Just experience the range of emotions, the thoughts & feelings, until they pass – without adding any more to it. That felt like a huge WIN. And that “win” made me feel good about myself, which is something I really needed (to feel).
Emotional eating is no simple thing. I know more than a few people out there can relate, maybe even you. Stress, feelings, emotional distress – it can zap your energy and really get a hold of you. It’s not a place to make decisions from, ever.
I learned something today: it will pass. I can ride it out.
Just like the storm, it died down and ultimately moved on. With no damage done – this time. And if I can get through my own internal storm once, I can certainly do it again. It was quite an empowering lesson.
Just like every time I say “No” to a bad food choice, that strengthens my resolve. Now I know I can beat this emotional stuff, without adding to it…
That’s a GOOD feeling.
Here is my Low Carb Food Diary for Day 29 of the “Get Lean For Summer!” 90 Day Low Carb Challenge. It’s not too late to join us if you haven’t already!
Day 29: Monday’s Low Carb Meals
I realize I’m predictable. 🙂 I had my favorite low carb breakfast – again. It’s so easy and delicious though, and a nice sweet / crunch combo!
This time it was: 1/2 cup pecans, 1/4 cup Daisy brand cottage cheese, and 4 small diced strawberries. (5 net carbs and 85% healthy fat)
I didn’t feel like eating at lunch. I was hungry, but not in the mood. I didn’t trust myself to go out either, so I just heated up the leftover cheeseburger from Hardee’s that I couldn’t finish the night before.
Dinner was the same. I wasn’t in the mood.
I just grabbed something easy: 2 Oscar Mayer Smokies (zero carbs).
I was hungry late last night, so I made something I new I’d enjoy: raspberries & cream cheese. It’s such a nice low carb treat, and all “real food” and healthy.
It’s just 2 ounces of Philadelphia cream cheese and 1/4 cup frozen raspberries (thawed, of course). That was 6 net carbs.
It took me over an hour to eat that, delicious as it was. I just enjoyed a small spoonful here and there with a creamy coffee. It kept me from going to bed hungry, at least.
Here’s My MyFitnessPal Diary for Monday:
Net Carbs: 18
Total Carbs: 27
Protein: 50 Grams
80% Fat, 15% Protein
FitBit Steps: 2,208
Water: 24 ounces
I did not exercise yesterday for the first day in… I’m not sure how long. I just didn’t feel like it, didn’t have the energy – and I allowed myself that break.
I did well to make it through the day without totally blowing it with unhealthy food, which was good enough for this (tough) day.
How are things going on your end?
As always, I look forward to hearing from you!