In my last post I told you I ate an entire bag of Pictsweet broccoli florets – for one meal – and mentioned that you should NEVER (ever!) do that… and why.
It reminded me of a funny story. 🙂
Many years ago – 10 years ago, I think – I dated a man for close to two years. We’ll just call him Jack. It was a serious love / hate relationship. As in, we hated each other at least as much as we loved each other. 😛 LOL.
This, by the way, is when I first started having weight problems.
But just wait until you find out WHY! haha
Back then I still had PMS. I still had a uterus, even. Every single month, “Jack” would double over in extreme stomach pains, clutching his lower abdomen in total agony – for a good day or two. He was sure it was “sympathy pains” because, you know, he loved me so much he felt my pain. Really. 🙄
What I never told him (lol)… is that I craved broccoli the week leading up to my period. I made it for practically every meal those weeks. We didn’t live together, but we did eat a lot of meals together – especially dinner.
Eating that entire bag of broccoli the other day reminded me of how funny that was every month – except it wasn’t funny at all when I was doubled over in pain myself. I still laughed though. 😛
Eating too much broccoli gives you horrible gut-wrenching gas pains, just FYI. 😉
No, I never told him “the secret”. I just secretly smiled. lol.
Mean, right? You’d have to know the whole story, I guess – but if you’ve ever cleaned the toilet with a man’s toothbrush before… you probably get it. Rarely does that happen without reason.
I mentioned this was the point in my life when I started gaining weight. It was a weird thing. I didn’t gradually gain weight, I literally just WOKE UP FAT one day. I didn’t own scales back then, but I went from an in-shape size 8… to buying size 18’s and XXL tops and just feeling incredibly uncomfortable. Especially because I’m SHORT.
It literally happened like that. I woke up one day, got in the shower, got out… and I saw myself in the mirror. I said (out loud), “OMG, I’m fat!!”
I was in total shock. I mean, just look at me. Holy smokes… when did THAT happen?! I’ll tell you when: It happened in my sleep.
He fed me pancakes in my sleep.
I thought it was a recurring dream. That beautiful smell of fresh hotcakes and ooey gooey sweet syrup. I opened my eyes just barely, and in the low light I saw this forkful of amazing pancakes right in front of me. I opened my mouth and in they went. Mmmmmm. Eyes closed, half asleep, savoring the beauty in my mouth.
How often did this happen? I have no idea how many pancakes I ate in my sleep that winter. I’m a sound sleeper, lol. I do vaguely remember it happening, but more like a dream than anything. And then I woke up fat.
To which he replied:
“I know. Now nobody else will look twice at you.”
The moral of the story… er, I’m not sure there is one. 😛 Don’t sleep with your mouth open? Don’t date weirdos? Sleep with protective gear on? Or just… keep your toilet clean and cook plenty of broccoli. 🙂