In my last post I told you I ate an entire bag of Pictsweet broccoli florets – for one meal – and mentioned that you should NEVER (ever!) do that… and why.
It reminded me of a funny story. 🙂
Many years ago – 10 years ago, I think – I dated a man for close to two years. We’ll just call him Jack. It was a serious love / hate relationship. As in, we hated each other at least as much as we loved each other. 😛 LOL.
This, by the way, is when I first started having weight problems.
But just wait until you find out WHY! haha
Back then I still had PMS. I still had a uterus, even. Every single month, “Jack” would double over in extreme stomach pains, clutching his lower abdomen in total agony – for a good day or two. He was sure it was “sympathy pains” because, you know, he loved me so much he felt my pain. Really. 🙄
What I never told him (lol)… is that I craved broccoli the week leading up to my period. I made it for practically every meal those weeks. We didn’t live together, but we did eat a lot of meals together – especially dinner.
Heh. 🙂
Eating that entire bag of broccoli the other day reminded me of how funny that was every month – except it wasn’t funny at all when I was doubled over in pain myself. I still laughed though. 😛
Eating too much broccoli gives you horrible gut-wrenching gas pains, just FYI. 😉
No, I never told him “the secret”. I just secretly smiled. lol.
Mean, right? You’d have to know the whole story, I guess – but if you’ve ever cleaned the toilet with a man’s toothbrush before… you probably get it. Rarely does that happen without reason.
I mentioned this was the point in my life when I started gaining weight. It was a weird thing. I didn’t gradually gain weight, I literally just WOKE UP FAT one day. I didn’t own scales back then, but I went from an in-shape size 8… to buying size 18’s and XXL tops and just feeling incredibly uncomfortable. Especially because I’m SHORT.
It literally happened like that. I woke up one day, got in the shower, got out… and I saw myself in the mirror. I said (out loud), “OMG, I’m fat!!”
I was in total shock. I mean, just look at me. Holy smokes… when did THAT happen?! I’ll tell you when: It happened in my sleep.
He fed me pancakes in my sleep.
I thought it was a recurring dream. That beautiful smell of fresh hotcakes and ooey gooey sweet syrup. I opened my eyes just barely, and in the low light I saw this forkful of amazing pancakes right in front of me. I opened my mouth and in they went. Mmmmmm. Eyes closed, half asleep, savoring the beauty in my mouth.
How often did this happen? I have no idea how many pancakes I ate in my sleep that winter. I’m a sound sleeper, lol. I do vaguely remember it happening, but more like a dream than anything. And then I woke up fat.
To which he replied:
“I know. Now nobody else will look twice at you.”
😐
The moral of the story… er, I’m not sure there is one. 😛 Don’t sleep with your mouth open? Don’t date weirdos? Sleep with protective gear on? Or just… keep your toilet clean and cook plenty of broccoli. 🙂
Best,
Lynn Terry,
aka @LowCarbTraveler
Gayle Fox says
Great post Lynn. Of all the wonderful moments you have shared here and on FB…this seems like the Lynn that used to be online here. I like having you back…you are a great story teller!
Cindi says
OMG…laughed until tears were running down my cheeks! That’s one of the funniest stories I’ve ever heard. Good to have you back, Lynn.
Alicia S says
OMGosh! I thought I was the only one that had things like this happen to me! This was HIGH-larious Lynn!
Teresa Beeman says
Woman, you ain’t right! LOL. Hilarious post; great stories. Seriously, I’m glad we’re friends. We both understand the ups and downs of weight control (literally!)
JoAnn QT says
You are amazing! LOL!
Michael A Dunner says
Well I used to love Broccoli(I never read the warning on the label about upsetting short vengeful blondes)and now I have labeled my toothbrush with the warning (sterilise before use) great reading though lmao.
Lynn Terry says
LOL Michael! π π haha
Laura says
This made me laugh and out a smile on my face, though I feel like crying, gut and heart pain now, hard to let go, I don’t know if I can, but so funny about cleaning toilet with a man’s toothbrush hahahahaha! You are great!
Lynn Terry says
I’m glad Laura. π I wish we lived closer. I’d take you out for dinner, wine & lots of laughs! (low carb of course, lol). My heart still aches too. I totally get it. It takes time… *hugs*
Debra Davis says
Oh my goodness! This made me laugh and cry. You are hilarious!
Lynn Terry says
π π π
Gina says
Omg!! Is this a true story? How can you sleep thru all that? π you must be a heavy sleeper. I am not.
And i cannot blame anyone else but myself for getting fat. I was fully awake and lucid while stuffing my face with pancakes, chocolate, icecream cookies, donuts, fried foods and sodas. Ugh. I am so glad i gave up on all that. π
Juanita says
I do believe I remember”Jack” .You sure had a battle when you was with him.Love your stories.You keep me laughing.